Assignment #7-1: The Daily 5 A’s

Every day (or night) take ~5 minutes to go through this “5 A’s” exercise together. This builds a fantastic structure for connecting with, serving, affirming, and focusing on each other every day. This also allows couples to quickly address minor hurts or frustrations (without needing to go through a full blown conflict resolution process). The Daily 5 A’s are just like a daily vitamin pill; they don’t replace a meal, but they can be a healthy supplement. This is a POWERFUL daily habit for mental / emotional / spiritual health in marriage.

For each of the 5 A’s, the husband can lead, and the wife can reciprocate

1. AFFIRMATION (or Compliment)

Affirm or compliment your spouse in a specific was.

• “I appreciate today when you ____________” 
• “Thank you for _________”

2. AFFECTION

Physical touch! Hug, kiss, back massage, tushy squeeze, make sweet love, use your imagination!

Sometimes it is helpful to save this until the END of the 5 A’s!

3. APOLOGY

• Ask “Is there anything I did to frustrate, irritate, or hurt you today?
• Partner responds with “I felt ___________ when you _______”)
• Respond: “I’m sorry I made you feel __________ when I ___________”

Notes:

• This is a great way to not let small things “build up” into a messy, difficult-to-unravel bird’s nest of resentment, anger, frustration, pain, etc.
• Do NOT say “I’m sorry YOU FEEL that way.”
• Do your best to respond WITHOUT being defensive.
• If the infraction was closer to a felony than a misdemeanor, you will have to address it outside the 5 A’s time. For deeper issues / hurts, pursue the Conflict Resolution process.

4. ASK

“Is there anything you would like me to do for you today, tomorrow, or this week?”

This could be a simply request like “take out the trash” or something bigger. Then, actually complete the request! This creates a beautiful cycle and fuels #1. AFFIRMATION.

5. AMEN

“How may I pray for you?” OR “Is there anything special I can pray for you or about?”

Then, close this time with a short prayer. Embrace. Pray over each other and specifically pray for the request. You may BOTH pray for each other OR trade-off every other day.